


Sapphire

by alseT



Category: The End Of The Fucking World (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, kind of aiming for it so, waiting for season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:17:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alseT/pseuds/alseT
Summary: ( what's going on inside of James' head after the gunshot.)





	Sapphire

Hey, Alyssa. I've been wondering for a very long time that what all those animals I killed were thinking when they were about to die. Not that it’s important or anything. But what I am doing right now seems a pretty good answer to that.

 

It shouldn't be surprising that when I realise it’s all _you you you_ and _you._

 

I wanted to be with you with all the will my heart could manage since i met you. But to be fair. Nothing really turns out to be what we wanted. and I'm happy for just having been able to spent  what was the last of my life with you and you alone. I'm not lying.

 

It isn't ideal to die on a hot and dry beach with bullet holes somewhere down my body.These are the moments when I think feelings are not so useful as they are supposed to be. But ideal has been long gone from my dictionary when we are together. You are anything but ideal, but turns out fine. For me.

 

I could say this now, that in the end, we did have each other. And having you is more than enough for me. I can't even begin to imagine, if that day you didn't walk up to me, didn't come up with some lame talk with me, and I didn't want to kill you which seems such a long time ago, what I am right now.

 

Safe, clean, breathing but never lived. Since to die, you have to be alive first.

So, except maybe forget me one day, do whatever you like, which would be less so if you ended up in a prison, hence the promised birthday present you could consider to do as I told you, and please have a long and happy life.

 

As for me, I’m gonna be dead soon, there’s no way to walk around it anymore. Sorry because I know you will cry. And I don't want you to cry. Though very much wanted to, but I won't be there to hold you, or do anything at all.

 

I should've said I love you, but I don't really understand how love works. I think my feelings for you is bigger than that. Happier. It’s too sad when people say it, even in the television. I don't need it so much, but maybe you do.

 

I love you.

 

 

 

Goodbye, Alyssa.

 

 

_(_ _I'm pretending you were lying next to me._ _And when I close my eyes, yours are all I see.)_

**Author's Note:**

> (I'm not really thinking that James' dead since I can think of many explanations if he's alive. and there's season 2 seems like a good one. but it's didn't hurt any less. )
> 
> really loved the show so figured I could write something. too short though. and I'm trying for James' style while writing. I think it's there. if you squint. 
> 
> thank you all for reading.<3 two of them are just adorable. could look at them all day.


End file.
